New Hire Orientation

Description: Congratulations! you beat a lot of eager and intelligent candidates to get here; you should be proud. you should also be aware that it’s just as easy to fuck this up, so listen closely. i’m a very busy woman, and as my personal assistant, it’s your job to make sure my days move as efficiently and remain as low-stress as possible. i have faith in you - i can tell you’re someone who likes to shut up and follow directions. obedience seems to come naturally to you… so i think we’ll be just fine, won’t we?